it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
