Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
