I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
