How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
