ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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