I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
