bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
