well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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