he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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