I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
