im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
