You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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