I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
