I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
