I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
