i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
