Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
