Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
