i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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