peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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