3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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