I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
