Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
