Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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