Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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