we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
