Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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