I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
two words...techno handjob
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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