You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
