I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We don't watch enough power rangers
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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