Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
