you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
