the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
