I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
