she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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