just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
