I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
