we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
