Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
