i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
