So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
