In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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