If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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