Your face is a jimmy john
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
