no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
