What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
