and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
