dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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