I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
