so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
one might say we're banned from that church
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
