Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize