we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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