So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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