so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
