she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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