Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
