That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
