So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
