i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
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I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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