the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
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