seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
