I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
