if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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