If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
