I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
