also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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