we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
