You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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