I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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