the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
