Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
