I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
