legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
