i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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