You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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